(Wo) Man cannot live on locks alone …


It became apparent very early on that I wasn’t going to get very far relying on locksmithing alone. This didn’t come as a massive surprise but I hadn’t really thought that far ahead. Not to worry, I had plenty of time to think whilst waiting for the phone to ring. I know from speaking to other locksmiths that there are various other way to make extra or regular earnings. Some locksmiths do warrants on a full or part time basis for the utility companies and some locksmiths do UPVC windows and doors. I didn’t fancy either of those options so I decided to set up a handy woman service. Yes, me!!! Ha ha ha the woman who used to use “no nails” to put pictures up was going to be set loose in peoples homes offering to do odd jobs. What could possibly go wrong???

Well actually nothing – yet. I have the utmost respect for peoples homes and always think about how I would have felt if someone had been going in to my Grandma’s house to do work. Ha ha ha I take that back – that is totally the wrong example to use, I would have had full sympathy for the person going in to Grandma’s house to do anything. In fact her house was sold about 3 years ago and I bet there are still some random workmen trapped in there somewhere, probably hiding from her and to scared to come out! Any hoo, as a lady I like to look stylish whilst I am working and like to style my over shoes in to something a little bit more fashionable.

I bet you will struggle to guess which ones are my work boots!

IMG_0018pointy shoes

So, I set up my handy woman service up and its been up and running for about 12 months now and it keeps me busy pretty much 6 days a week. I do a lot of work for agencies that work with the elderly and the vulnerable and it wasn’t long before Social Services started to enquire about what services I could offer them. One service they really struggled with was finding a company to help people that had neglected their properties to the point where they couldn’t live there any more. The property may need cleaned, decorated, repairs done, rubbish removed or the garden tidied up. This wasn’t exactly what I wanted to be doing with my time but agreed to take a job on to see how I felt about it then we could take it from there – I swear to god I don’t have many regrets but this was definitely one of them.

Now before anyone gets on my case about sharing details about work I have carried out, I am not disclosing any personal details at all about this client. I am not about to tell you where in the North East this property was located, what time of year I carried the work out or anything at all that would indicate who this service user was.

So, I take on this job to help a couple move out of their property as it has been that badly neglected that the council were moving them in to a smaller more manageable property. My job was to help them get packed up and in a position where the removal company could come and get them moved. Sounds simple enough – I couldn’t have been more wrong! The property was an absolute shit hole – I am being kind with that description! It was fucking horrendous! To the point where I actually thought I was going to throw up, right there in the kitchen, right on top of the over flowing cat shit tray or the work bench’s caked in god knows what. I should of actually just been sick – not a single person would have noticed or indeed given a shit! The problem was a price had been agreed and this couple were relying on me to help them out so it was a case of getting gloved up and getting on it. In all fairness once the windows were opened and some of the rubbish was chucked out in to the garden it improved slightly. It was just a bit of a hording habit that had got out of hand and it was my job to help them get what they were taking packed up and ruthlessly chucking out crap that they didn’t need. The couple I was working with definitely had some sort of difficulties how ever this wasn’t mentioned to me, not that it makes any difference in how I treat people its just sometimes handy to have some back ground information. They were an older couple and not long married – awwwwwww! Loves young dream! They were very sweet together – scruffy – but sweet. So as you can imagine I am chucking stuff in to bin bags like my life depended on it, all is going well until I disturbed a pile of magazines and newspapers and out rolls a vibrator!! I shit you not! Embarrassed I made an excuse and left the room giving the love birds time to move it to some where private, did they? NO!! I swear to god we kicked that fucking vibrator round the living room floor for the next 2 hours! It was getting to the point where the only thing left in the living room was the god damn vibrator.

Eventually it got to the point where I had to ask if it was going with them or in the bin – I can not make this clear enough that I was not going to touch it. When I returned from the garden it had gone! Phew! Anyway, the removal men turned up – my job was done. All I had to do was wait for the landlord to collect the keys and my job was done. I waved the tenants off with the removal men and promptly had a pee in their yard! Not my finest hour but was definitely the most hygienic option, I had held that pee in for about 3 hours. I was that desperate and couldn’t get any where else, I’m sure Davey (the BF) was proud as punch when I text him to tell him what I had had to do! Peeing outside really doesn’t bother me, I love camping and my allotment and both of these things require me at times to bear my ass to the world and squat down in the undergrowth. However, peeing in some ones back yard is a very new experience. In all fairness if anyone of you had seen the toilet you would have done exactly the same. I didn’t hang around while the landlord checked the property, I spod* off home and promptly burnt my clothes! No I didn’t really burn my clothes – yes I did – no I didn’t – you will never know!

Anyway, after this little adventure there was a rather long email sent and I am pleased to say that my jobs for Social Services now involve fitting bannisters and hand rails, gardening and hanging pictures – happy days.

Till the next time.

Alex xx

*Spod – the word I use when my brain cannot think of the word sped. It happens quite often that I can’t remember a word so I just make one up. It doesn’t make me a bad person!








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